Your boundaries, standards & expectations might just be fear in disguise.

Majority of my life, I believed men were to be feared and couldn’t be trusted.

And yet, I wanted nothing more than to be loved by one (daddy issues, anyone?).

The irony?

When I finally experienced unconditional love from my current partner, it scared the hell out of me.

I couldn’t even recognise it for what it was. Sometimes, I still can’t.

Why?

Because like so many women, I’ve carried a deep fear of intimate love.

Not because love itself is scary, but because true love demands vulnerability.

You cannot love without vulnerability - otherwise, it’s not really love.

To love wholeheartedly means to love without control, without question, and without guarantees. And for many women (myself included), that’s absolutely terrifying.

For me, control has always been my go-to protective mechanism.

And yep, that often looked like trying to control my partner(s).

I like to describe my behaviour as being a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

My arguments about why James (my partner) should do (or not do) something seemed legit on the outside. But when I looked deeper, I realised it was just my fear of vulnerability and insecurity showing up in disguise. I was scared - scared to trust, scared to be fully seen, scared to lose him.

You see, my ex cheated on me and compulsively lied - A LOT - during our 8-year relationship.

Before that, I watched my mum go through the same thing for over a decade.

See the theme? Men = scary and untrustworthy; destined to break my heart.

We think we want love, happiness, and joy, but when that hasn’t been our norm - or when we’ve lived through betrayal - our brain rejects it.

It craves familiarity and predictability, even when it’s harmful.

Safety can feel unsafe.

So we sabotage, control, run, cling… and call it boundaries, standards, red flags.

But often, it’s just fear.

Fear in disguise, dressed up as protection.

And these protective mechanisms? They’re sneaky. So. Damn. Sneaky.

This is my specialty - helping you identify these patterns and untangle them.

If you’re wondering why your relationship feels stuck or disconnected, it’s possible you’re contributing in ways you don’t even realise.

I’ve lived it. I AM it.

Until I wasn’t.

And now, my relationship is stronger than ever because I can see my behaviours for what they really are - and choose differently.